Character Interview with Maggie from Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman

Do you own any pets, Maggie?

I have…animal companions. I think they own me. An anole lizard named Godzilla, but he prefers to be called God. He’s a real smug little guy. And I have a Doberman, named Doomsday. She’s sweet, a little dumb, but sweet.

They talk. I know that sounds crazy, but they do. They don’t talk to everyone, just to me. At least I’m the only one who understands them.:

If I came to your home and looked in your refrigerator, what would I find?

Olives. Lots of olives. And Lean Cuisine frozen meals. I practically live on the things.

Name one thing that drives you crazy.

My aunts. Does that count as one thing, even though there are three of them? Aunt Susan is bossy, Aunt Loretta is an aging sexpot, and Aunt Leslie is a pot head… although at the moment, she’s a reforming pot head. They all excel at meddling.

If you could eliminate one thing from your daily schedule, what would it be and why?

Going to the hospital. I hate seeing my little niece, Katie, lying there in that hospital room every day. I just want her to wake up and get better.

If you had to describe yourself using three words, they would be…

Oh, that’s a tough one. I’m loyal, a screw-up, and a contract killer…that’s more than three words, but I never was any good at following instructions.

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To learn more about Maggie, or author JB Lynn, please visit: www.jblynn.com

For links to purchase their books, please visit: http://www.harpercollins.com/authors/38895/JB_Lynn/index.aspx

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Excerpt: FURTHER CONFESSIONS OF A SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC HITWOMAN

You just know it’s going to be a bad day when you’re stuck at a red light and Doomsday is breathing down your neck.

In this particular instance Doomsday happens to be a seventy-pound Doberman pinscher. Instead of having the voice of doom, she sounds an awful lot like an air-headed, bimbo-y blonde. “Way that! Way that!”

Did I mention that Doomsday has really lousy grammar?

“Not that way,” Severus Snape drawled from the front passenger seat. Okay, not really Snape, but God … zilla, a talking brown anole lizard with an attitude to match his namesake.

Have you followed all this so far? The superior talking lizard is in the front passenger seat, the breathy Doberman is in the back, and I, Maggie Lee, am in the driver’s seat, even though it doesn’t feel as though I’m in control of this wild ride we’re on.

I know this whole thing sounds crazy. I know animals can’t talk, but ever since I was in a terrible car accident a month ago, I can understand them. Of course I haven’t mentioned this little side effect to anyone, because I’m afraid they’ll lock up my crazy ass in the nuthouse (hell, with my luck, they’d probably make me room with my mom, who’s a long-term resident), and I’ve just got too much to do to let that happen.

Which brings me to why God and Doomsday were arguing about which direction we were headed. I needed to kill someone at a wedding.

It’s a toss-up which I hate more: killing people or weddings.

Unfortunately, I’m getting pretty good at both.

Please be sure to answer at least one of these questions yourself and leave an email address to contact you at.  One lucky winner (US or Canada only) will receive an ebook copy of either the first or second book (winner’s choice).

*Giveaway ends October 25, 2012 at 11:59 pm

 

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Shari is the Delighted Reader. Married to her Prince Charming and mother to two Princesses and one Prince. When she is not slaving away as Cinderella she loves to get lost in the pages of a good book. Never without a reading device and a few good paperback books, because she never knows when she might get 5 minutes to read!
  • June M.

    My pets are: 1. A mixed breed dog named Scruffy (10 yrs old and rotten), 2. A Pekingese named Ming (Unsure how old, probably about 7 or 8, very neurotic), 3. Black & White Tuxedo cat (7-Definitely the King of the Castle), and 4. A Reddish-Orange Cat named Tommy (about 3, recently adopted after my Great-Grandmother passed away). These are definitely all rotten, pretty much rule the house and set the schedule of the home. I have been known to have to wait hours trying to get the boys (cats) to come in at night. The girls (dogs) can’t get out of the back yard but the boys like to wander into the woods behind my house, since I live way out in the country. Oh, and I also have a cockatiel named Billy, who is at least 10 years old and mean as can be, lol.

    June
    manning_J2004 at yahoo dot com

  • Hi June,

    Quite the menagerie! My parrot is a Senegal which is about the size of a conure, but he’s a sweetheart.

  • Pingback: What a week! « JB Lynn's Confessions()

  • Jenny

    I love that Maggie has a smug lizard. LOL! I have a cat that is rather smug and a bit snobby as well. I also have 4 gerbils that are pretty much always happy as long as they have something to chew on. 🙂

    Jyl22075 at gmail.com

  • bn100

    I’d eliminate cleaning the house. Nice interview.

    bn100candg(at)hotmail(dot)com

  • Alicia

    One thing that drives me crazy – when I am working with a group and they insist on waiting until last minute.

    Thanks for having the giveaway!

    Alicia
    dmr8888 at yahoo dot com