Review: Real Vampires Know Size Matters by Gerry Bartlett

Posted March 20, 2017 by Sophia Rose in Reviews / 18 Comments

Review: Real Vampires Know Size Matters by Gerry Bartlett
Real Vampires Know Size Matters

One StarOne StarHalf a Star

Series: #10 Glory St. Clair
Genres: Urban Fantasy
Published by Berkley
Released on December 3, 2013
Pages: 354
Format: Paperback
Source: Publisher

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I’m always a sucker for humor and blend that with urban fantasy and I will rush to pick it up.  The Glory St. Clair series was no exception.  Glory is your everyday woman vampire who’s a bit of a softie, slightly insecure, and has a confusing romantic life.  These traits manage to land her in trouble more often than not and it takes luck and help from her friends to save the day.  Light and humorous urban fantasy that reads like ‘day-time drama, cozy read, and paranormal comedy’ all mixed together.

Real Vampires Know Size Matters is book ten in the Glory St. Clair series.  It’s probably not a good place to start for new readers, but I will admit to skipping several books in the series and doing alright.  I read the first four and set aside book five (more on that later), but anyhoo, yes, one could read this one after getting that far because there are some ‘catch the reader up’ moments when characters bring up the past.

The story opens with Glory happier than ever about finally having things settled between her and Jerry, but her happiness is tinged with a spot of trouble from an ex of Jerry’s that has gone all voodoo priestess stalker gal on Glory.  The woman is determined to ruin Glory and drive her into giving up Jerry.  Jerry has told the woman that he isn’t into her and he is back with Glory and Glory is it for him, but Mel still persists.  Glory let’s doubt creep in whether Jerry is really over the woman and can’t help getting stirred up that he was with such a gorgeous put together woman even if she has a crazy stalker side.  And she definitely worries that Jerry underestimates Mel and somehow the woman has a spell on him.

Meanwhile, Ray accidentally loses control while drinking from his co-singer, Sienna, and Glory has to come and change over Sienna to save her life.  If getting a new vamp adjusted whose angry about her transition isn’t enough, Glory is climbing the walls because of her irritating roommate the siren turned mortal, Aggie, now taking her stinking life issues out on Glory and anyone else.  Rafe’s back to being bodyguard while the dangerous ex is on the prowl and Ian seems more than casually interested in a spellbook Glory has.  Glory’s mom won’t keep pestering her about her life and it’s all starting to hit at once.  Something’s got to give and it may be Glory.

This one is a typical Glory situation.  She has a laundry list of things that need her attention and most of it is due to her taking pity or going soft when someone else screws up and she feels she has to help fix it.  And, if it’s not that, she manages to drama up her love life even if it seems like it should be settled by now.  This was definitely the book of the exes both Jerry’s and Glory’s though Glory likes to pretend it’s all on Jerry.

It’s been many months since I picked up a book from this series.  I really loved book one.  The next few were good, but certain issues kept cropping back up.  So, I stopped reading at book five.  I had this later book from the series on my shelf so I figured I’d give it a go and see if maybe moving ahead would take care of some of the stuff that was bugging me.

Nope, the stuff that troubled me was mostly still there (to be fair, her fixation on her weight and looks was toned down and that was good).   Even in a fun and light series like this one, I still want to see a character come into their own and grow and I also want to see a long time building romance grow and mature.

But the thing is, other than a few tweaks to setting, I could have been reading the same book I put down.  Ten books in and it’s still drama central with Glory and the gang minus the danger of the villains in the first few books.

And that brings me to the plot.  There is no true conflict in this installment.  This was a bland story.  It’s a string of petty annoyances for the most part with some occasional laughs.  I think a fan of the series would probably keep going to see how some of the loose plot threads turn out, but for me, this book did not encourage me to want to see what comes next.

In summary, this was a moderately enjoyable book.  The humor is a great addition and I do love the world and the characters even if the plot didn’t pull me in.  Though this wasn’t my thing, it might work for others.  I do think those who enjoy the lighter cozy-style urban fantasy should give it a go.

My thanks to Penguin Group for the opportunity to read this book in exchange for an honest review.

Challenges Met:

Romance Roundabout #45 UF
Literary Pickers #44 lap top
Mt. TBR #22
Blogger Shame #6
Books N Tunes #12 Peggy Lee’s Fever

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I was born and raised near Sacramento, CA. I have read since I was four years old and developed tastes that run the gamut of literature. I went away to college and have a degree in education, a certificate in family history research, and a certificate in social work. I worked for a non-profit agency with low income families for 20 years which included being responsible for the children’s library and promoting/teaching adult literacy. I have lived in Southeast Michigan for the last 18 years and I am currently a book addicted homemaker with a cat and husband who keep me grounded. Recently, I made it a challenge to review each book that I have read as a favor to author friends who said reviews are important. I have done reviews for Good Reads, Amazon, eBay, and Smashwords, but mostly at Goodreads and Amazon.

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  • Ah too bad about this one. I only tried the first one and like it and I think I bought the second but haven’t read it yet

    • I enjoyed the first four of the series and then started struggling immediately with book five because I was looking for some positive change away from Glory’s issues. Then I tried this one and realized the issues were still the same as back in book five.
      So, their not awful, but they just seem to cover the same ground after a while. You’ll probably enjoy the first two that you have. 🙂

      • it’s good to know, like that I’m aware for the other novels of the series. And if I have a problem with book 5 one day I’ll know that it won’t change later

        • Yes, exactly, Melliane. Sometimes knowing what to expect takes away some of the issues with the book. Hopefully, you’ll get well past book five and enjoy them.

  • Debbie Haupt

    Ah I was all in until I saw book ten, good thing I read on. I think these might go on my wish list. Thanks Sophia Rose

    • Yes, there are several. I was enjoying one now and then until I hit book five and then gave it up. But they are light and fun so if you catch book one at the library, its worth some fun afternoon reading. 🙂

  • I hate when a character has weight issues in the book, I don’t want to read about it, but when its constantly coming up it makes me feel like I should be thinking about mine in that way and so often – its really frustrating and feels like weight shaming.

    • Yeah, I’m so-so on the weight thing. What bugged me about her issues is that she’s not overweight, but she’s not model thin and that’s what has her stewing. I got tired of it. LOL and yes, good point, I don’t want to be reminded of my own.

  • I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy this one more. It seems like there’s a lot going on, but with little depth.

    Better luck for your next read! Great review. 🙂

    • I was disappointed. I was hoping that skipping ahead would get me past the problematic stuff, but it was same-o same-o. Yep, moving on. 🙂

  • Bummer this series did not get better for you. Seems like nothing new has been happening.

    • Yeah. I wanted to see things had moved forward from the earlier issues. And I might not have been so put off that it hadn’t if there had been a strong action plot to go with it. Oh well.

  • That sounds like quite the let down. The weight issue this far into the series I think would start to annoy me but good it was at least toned down a little but no real plot? That’s seriously hard to pull off.

    • Yeah! I thought skipping from book five to book ten would help give me a fresh start, but she was still comparing her looks even after she got the guy a long time ago and she was still doubting him and bringing up jealousies even though she had more men buzzing around her than ever. But yeah, the kicker was waiting for something to build and happen beyond the petty issues that were stirred up and then it didn’t.

      • Whew. Yeah, I need more growth from a character especially after that many books. I can see early on and at the start of a relationship but once in a healthy relationship with the guy gaga over her it would be hard to take that constantly. Definitely wouldn’t sustain a read or series for me.

        • No, well put. For a series, it didn’t show that growth and build for me.

  • The title is hilarious. Too bad it turned out bland. Did some snapping with Peggy’s Fever though.

    • Oh yes! Humor is definitely a strong point for this series and I love how the author wields it in the story. I couldn’t resist pairing Fever with the review since Glory sings it at a nightclub scene. 🙂