Top Twenty Reasons You Absolutely Don’t Want a Dog (And Two Reasons You Might)

Posted November 17, 2016 by Sophia Rose in Book Tour / 10 Comments

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[spacer]Yes, yes—it’s all very well to squee over the cuteness of the puppy, but I get it.

I was it.

There are some perfectly valid reasons to not have a dog in your life. These are the reasons that keep responsible people who love to pet a dog from hauling off to get a dog—and they have their place in any story about animals.

Reason 1—You’re allergic to rug cleaner

Reason 2—You like your toes un-licked

Reason 3—You’re not fond of holes in your bedspread, socks, favorite backpack, couch, shoes, whatever puppy decides to eat now…

Reason 4—That rug is an heirloom

Reason 5—You blow up like a poisoned toad without six-hundred antihistamines and when you do take them, they make you sleep for a hundred years

Reason 6—You like to sleep in on Sundays. Or Mondays. Or just please, for the love of heaven, can there just be one day a week when the dogs do not need to be let out first thing in the morning?

Reason 7—Does anybody have a lint roller?

Reason 8—The Saturday morning backyard dog clean up

Reason 9—But hardwood is so clammy!

Reason 10—Drool serves no functional purpose outside a dog’s mouth

Reason 11—You’re fond of your postman and like to see him unmolested

Reason 12—Your cat already owns your soul

Reason 13—What the—Stop eating my dinner!

Reason 14—The dog you had when you were twelve spoiled you for all other relationships (This is a true thing and it is to be respected.)

Reason 15—At one in the morning a people fart sounds like the attacking alien hordes and needs to be barked into submission

Reason 16—Speaking of #15, dog gas is up for a classification of “cruel and unusual punishment” in the articles of the Geneva Convention

Reason 17—Your cat may not own your soul but it’s definitely vindictive AF and you’d feel bad for the dog

Reason 18—You want to protect a potential dog from your actual children

Reason 19—Look at Reason 18 and reverse that

Reason 20—Who needs a reason? You just don’t want a damned kibble snarfling poop machine and nobody gets to judge you for that, nobody!

So there you go—twenty perfectly legitimate reasons to not have a dog.

And now, I’ve got my two best arguments for pet ownership. I warn you, they’re not logical, not articulate, and not for everybody. But they’re the best, most compelling arguments I’ve ever come across.

And they keep my feet warm at night.

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About Freckles

Carter Embree has always hoped to be rescued from his productive, tragically boring, and (slightly) ethically compromised life. But when an urchin at a grocery store shoves a bundle of fluff into his hands, Carter goes from rescuee to rescuer—and he needs a little help.

Sandy Corrigan, the vet tech who helps ease Carter into the world of dog ownership, first assumes that Carter is a crazy-pants client who just needs to relax. But as Sandy gets a glimpse into the funny, kind, sexy man under Carter’s mild-mannered exterior, he sees that with a little care and feeding, Carter might be Super-Pet Owner—and decent boyfriend material to boot.

But Carter needs to see himself as a hero first. As he says good-bye to his pristine house and hello to carpet treatments and dog walkers, he finds that there really is more to himself than a researching drudge without a backbone. A Carter Embree can rate a Sandy Corrigan. He can be supportive, he can be a hero, he can be a man who stands up for his principles!

He can be the owner of a small dog.

Now available from Riptide Publishing. http://riptidepublishing.com/titles/freckles

About Amy Lane

Amy Lane exists happily with her noisy family in a crumbling suburban crapmansion, and equally happily with the surprisingly demanding voices who live in her head.

She loves cats, movies, yarn, pretty colors, pretty men, shiny things, and Twu Wuv, and despises house cleaning, low fat granola bars, and vainglorious prickweenies.

She can be found at her computer, dodging housework, or simultaneously reading, watching television, and knitting, because she likes to freak people out by proving it can be done.

Connect with Amy:

Giveaway

To celebrate the release of Freckles, one lucky winner will receive Freckles in ebook and another ebook of their choice from Amy’s backlist! Leave a comment with your contact info to enter the contest. Entries close at midnight, Eastern time, on November 19, 2016. Contest is NOT restricted to U.S. entries. Thanks for following the tour, and don’t forget to leave your contact info!

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Sophia Rose

I was born and raised near Sacramento, CA. I have read since I was four years old and developed tastes that run the gamut of literature. I went away to college and have a degree in education, a certificate in family history research, and a certificate in social work. I worked for a non-profit agency with low income families for 20 years which included being responsible for the children’s library and promoting/teaching adult literacy. I have lived in Southeast Michigan for the last 18 years and I am currently a book addicted homemaker with a cat and husband who keep me grounded. Recently, I made it a challenge to review each book that I have read as a favor to author friends who said reviews are important. I have done reviews for Good Reads, Amazon, eBay, and Smashwords, but mostly at Goodreads and Amazon.

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trix23

4 years ago

I just get too heartbroken when a pet dies, so that’s why I’ve held off…

vitajex at aol dot com

amy lane

Reply to trix23

And that is a real, legitimate reason– I was trying to keep this light, but it’s why #14 is there.

H.B.

I’ve never had a dog but I do notice that dogs like to do #2. I was helping my sister pet sit her friends dog and she kept coming over to sniff and nose at my feet.

Thank you for sharing the list. I’ve been learning a bunch.

humhumbum AT yahoo DOT com

Debbie Haupt

I want. And I’m the new mommy of a relatively recent rescue dog too and couldn’t imagine our life without her now!

DebraG

I would love to have a dog like Freckles but my daughter is allergic to dogs.

Melliane

LOL that’s fun, I love it. I always had a dog and I confess that he never did most of these things (Happy about that lol)

Melanie Simmons

That was so cute. I’m a huge fan of dogs. I’ve had one almost my entire life. I can’t imagine not having a dog in my life. I completely get that not everyone’s life fits with dogs. Fun post.

Melanie @ Hot Listens & Rabid Reads

Lisa S

I have a cat. And I travel some, live alone, & am at work more than home. Having a dog would not be fair to the dog.Thanks for the post!
legacylandisa(at)gmail(dot)com